Sunday, April 10, 2016

Production Report 11a


This post is dedicated to the before and after pieces of my essay that I will be writing!

Here is the outline part of my introduction:

Introduction

~Open with my personal experiences with playing with Barbie's as a kid.

~Introduce topic in question and how it came to be


Here is the edited version:


I remember a time where the world was a place of laughter and endless fun. It was a time where I woke up at seven am and had no problem doing so because I would get up, go to my Scooby-Doo themed highchair and have my favorite breakfast: microwavable pancakes. I’d go to a place called Melino Elementary School for 6 hours and run around on the playground with friends, then come home and play with my favorite toy: Barbie. Her blonde hair that seemed to be spun out of gold and her seemingly endless amount of clothing made a playtime of three hours seem like three minutes. As I grew up with Barbie at my side I began to notice small things in myself that did not quite match her perfect form, like my bigger than usual belly or very long dusty blonde hair. As a child, we have a sense of naivety that follows our every thought, but that naivety begins to go away as we experience new things, one of those things being the issue of body image. We often compare ourselves to others, seeing them as ‘better’ than us. This feeling of comparison often happens at a younger age, starting when we start to play with things that resemble ourselves, such as a Barbie doll. Mattel has recently come out with three new Barbie dolls named “tall”, “petite”, and “curvy” to try and alleviate this issue in young girls or boys. However, as with any change, this new addition has caused some controversy and debates over the effectiveness of these new dolls. Throughout the years, Barbie dolls have been an icon and role model for girls across the world. The new addition of Barbie dolls in this recent year of 2016, is a large step in the right direction for body positivity, for it allows girls to play with dolls that do not fit an unattainable mold, giving them a role model that praises different body types instead of knocking them down.

  1. How did you decide to use form to present your content in the raw material you’ve shared here? How did the conventions of your chosen genre influence your choices?
    I used the idea of a "hook" for the beginning part of the introduction because that often draws the reader in, wanting to read more of the work. I also made a working thesis that was defendable at the end of the introduction which was another important part of form. As far as conventions go, I made sure I didn't use any contractions or numbers because those are parts of the conventions of an essay.

  2. How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?
    Writing an introduction is one of my favorite parts of an essay, but I wanted this one to be perfect so I thought a lot about including each sentence and where to put each sentence. I also found it hard to make a strong thesis because that has always been one of my struggling points.

3 comments:

  1. You're introduction makes good use of emotional appeal by using a personal story. But if you can, I would try to make the story a little bit shorter because introduction paragraphs are more effective when they're short and heavy. I think you should also find a way to make your thesis a little bit shorter. Having it this long takes from its impact to the reader and makes your thesis seem kinda of mild like your only 80% on board with your argument. Great job over all and thank you for always having your work done so that I can comment on it. Like I feel as though I always comment on your stuff every week, but you always have your stuff together so who can blame me.

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  2. Hi Sienna, I really love the topic you're writing about. The image of people in society hits me dearly as it seems to hit you too. So as for form suggestions, I think the genres are fine here, except that the intro is quite lengthy. I know it's tough to take out details of the story, but I think if you make it a little shorter, it will get much sweeter. Other than that, there aren't really any studies that you need to show so I think in terms of citations you're fine. One other suggestion is jumping right into your story instead of saying I remember when... etc. Other than that I loved it Sienna, keep it up :)

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  3. I would just try to shorten the intro or make sub-paragraphs (more paragraphs) as a long intro can be unappealing to the reader with a big block of text. I like how you connected your different ideas. I like your personal writing style which is great for the public argument project as well as how you give important contextual information. Great work and all the best!

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