Peer Review 11b

This is the last post dedicated to Production Week and it is another peer review from the 8 am class.

Here is Jason's introduction for his production report!

For this post I will be mainly focusing on the content of his essay because I feel like the content is one of the most important pieces of an essay.

Firstly, I felt very connected to this particular topic because I live close to the potentially new South Mountain freeway in the Phoenix area, so I understand the large amount of controversy over this topic. I also think that Jason's intro is one that many people would relate a lot to because if you've ever been to Phoenix during the summer there is a large chance you've experienced the traffic + heat combo.

Next, some suggestions:

1. I personally love Jason's intro hook, but I feel like he can expand more on it. I think it would be interesting and more powerful to go into deeper detail on what people are actually feeling as they basically die in the heat when traffic occurs on the I-10.

2. Secondly, I would say that his thesis is a bit to convoluted. I had a hard time finding what his argument was in this thesis, so I would suggest rewording it and finding out exactly what he hopes to be proving in the essay.

I hope these suggestions helped because one of the most important parts of an essay is the thesis, so we want to make it very powerful. Overall, I think this is a great introduction and one that greatly sets up his essay!

I used pages 63- 66 of the Student Guide to help understand the importance of picking a focal topic and really carrying through that topic throughout.

One thing I learned from Jason's intro is the importance of making your hook be relatable. If people don't find it relatable, people are more likely to not want to read it. Jason did a really good job of making it relatable, so I will try to incorporate that into my writing as well.