Editorial Report 12b

This post is another editing report on a specific piece of my essay.

Selection from "Rough Cut"

To truly understand the full expanse of the 2016 controversy over the new Barbie dolls, Mattel’s past must be brought to life. It all started in 1945 by a woman named Ruth Handler. She was the woman who created the Mattel company, along with her husband, after being inspired to create dolls from watching her young daughter play with paper dolls. Her dream was made into a reality in 1959 as Barbie, the Teen-Age Fashion Model, was put in the annual Toy Fair in New York with the name Barbie Millicent Roberts. That’s when Barbie took flight, for she was unlike any of the toddler or baby dolls the country had seen before. In the first year over 300,000 Barbie’s were sold and the numbers kept rising (barbiemedia.com). However, in 1963 started the first major controversy that sparked people’s thoughts over whether or not Barbie was a good role model for young girls. In 1963, a Barbie outfit named “Barbie Baby-Sits” came with a book titled “How to Lose Weight” which advised young girls to not eat. Mattel responded with an explanation of how Barbie’s waist needed to be small because zippers and waistbands added bulk to her body. As the 1970s approached Barbie reflected the same styles such as long hair and long skirts. People, however, were still upset by her unattainable figure and resulted in some feminists at Berkeley burning many Barbies in protest and as a symbol of male oppression. In the 1980s Black, Hispanic, and International Barbies were introduced to the world. Even though these dolls were taking a right step into the right direction of representing all people, these dolls had no features of these races and instead had just change of skin color. Later, in the 1990s, is when a new Barbie was introduced that would say “Math class is tough”. This got a large amount of backlash from the people of America because many people thought that is was a poorly executed doll that got many people offended. Mattel had to offer replacement dolls to those who were offended as well (Dockterman).

"Re-Edited" Selection

To truly understand the full expanse of the 2016 controversy over the new Barbie dolls, Mattel’s past must be brought to life. It all started in 1945 by a woman named Ruth Handler. She is the woman who created the Mattel company, along with her husband, after being inspired to create dolls from watching her young daughter play with paper dolls. Her dream was made into a reality in 1959 as Barbie the “Teen-Age Fashion Model” was put in the annual Toy Fair in New York with the name Barbie Millicent Roberts. That’s when Barbie began to gain traction, becoming more popular. In the first year, over 300,000 Barbie’s were sold and the numbers kept rising (barbiemedia.com). However, in 1963 was the start of the first major controversy that sparked people’s thoughts over whether or not Barbie was a good role model for young girls. A Barbie outfit named “Barbie Baby-Sits” came with a book titled “How to Lose Weight” which advised young girls to “not eat”, causing a large outrage. Mattel responded with an explanation of how Barbie’s waist needed to be small because zippers and waistbands added bulk to her body. As the 1970s approached, Barbie reflected the same styles such as long hair and long skirts. People, however, were still upset by her unattainable figure and resulted in feminists at Berkeley burning many Barbies in protest. In the 1980s, Black, Hispanic, and International Barbies were introduced to the world. Even though these dolls were taking a right step into the right direction of representing all people, these dolls had no features of these races and instead had just change of skin color. Later, in the 1990s, is when a new Barbie was introduced that said “Math class is tough”. This got a large amount of backlash from the people of America because many people thought that is was a poorly executed doll that got many people offended. Mattel had to offer replacement dolls to those who were offended as well (Dockterman).

1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
   
   
   The content changed slightly because I edited out some of the less needed words. I also added some more content to help the essay flow better because I noticed that is was a little choppy in parts especially because it is a paragraph about the history of Barbie, so it is hard to make it interesting to read.
2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
   
   
   I edited the paragraph for grammar mistakes which is very helpful for me because I often tend to make a large amount of grammar mistakes. I added commas where needed and made sure the paragraph made sense for what I was trying to say.