Editorial Report 12a

Selection from "Rough Cut"

I remember a time where the world was a place of laughter and endless fun. It was a time where I woke up at seven am and had no problem doing so because I would get up, go to my Scooby-Doo themed highchair and have my favorite breakfast: microwavable pancakes. I’d go to a place called Melino Elementary School for 6 hours and run around on the playground with friends, then come home and play with my favorite toy: Barbie. Her blonde hair that seemed to be spun out of gold and her seemingly endless amount of clothing made a playtime of three hours seem like three minutes. As I grew up with Barbie at my side I began to notice small things in myself that did not quite match her perfect form, like my bigger than usual belly or very long dusty blonde hair. As a child, we have a sense of naivety that follows our every thought, but that naivety begins to go away as we experience new things, one of those things being the issue of body image. We often compare ourselves to others, seeing them as ‘better’ than us. This feeling of comparison often happens at a younger age, starting when we start to play with things that resemble ourselves, such as a Barbie doll. Mattel has recently come out with three new Barbie dolls named “tall”, “petite”, and “curvy” to try and alleviate this issue in young girls or boys. However, with any change, this new addition has caused some controversy and debates over the effectiveness of these new dolls.Throughout the years, Barbie dolls have been an icon and role model for girls across the world. The 

new addition of Barbie dolls in this recent year of 2016, is a large step in the right direction for body positivity, for it allows girls to play with dolls that do not fit an unattainable mold, giving them a role model that praises different body types instead of knocking them down.

"Re-Edited" Selection

I remember a time where the world was a place of laughter and endless fun. It was a time where I woke up at 7am and had no problem doing so because I would get up, go to my Scooby-Doo themed highchair and have my favorite breakfast: microwavable pancakes. After school I’d then go play with my favorite toy: Barbie. Her blonde hair that seemed to be spun out of gold and her seemingly endless amount of clothing made a playtime of three hours seem like three minutes. As I grew up with Barbie at my side I began to notice small things in myself that did not quite match her perfect form, like my bigger than usual belly or very long dusty blonde hair. These feelings of body negativity are ones that I still carry with me today. As it turns out, this negativity from the perfect Barbie was not only felt by my young 14 year-old self. In response, Mattel has recently come out with three new Barbie dolls named “tall”, “petite”, and “curvy” to try and alleviate this issue in young girls or boys. However, as with any change, this new addition has caused some controversy and debates over the effectiveness of these new dolls. The new addition of Barbie dolls in this recent year of 2016, is a large step in the right direction for body positivity, for it allows girls to play with dolls that do not fit an unattainable mold, giving them a role model that praises different body types instead of knocking them down.

1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
   
   
   Even though it was very hard for me to do so, I made the new introduction slightly smaller because that was the main comment I got from a large amount of my peer reviewers. I made my personal story a lot smaller and made it so only the key details were kept. The content is more effectively communicated because it is more direct and to the point.
   
   
2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
   
   
   The form changed slightly because by making the introduction smaller than it was before, it allows for the form to look nicer as an essay because it isn't like a big block of text for the reader to look at.