This post is the "Fine Cut" for all my work that I've been doing.
Here is the link!
Key information:
I reviewed and edited this essay a lot over the week, so this is a pretty final cut of the work that I've done. I took all the comments given to me by the people who reviewed my last rough cut and put all the pieces together to hopefully create something that was stronger.
Major Strengths:
I feel like my strengths lay in the introduction and conclusion and the main claims to support my argument. I feel like I really developed and edited those the most out of all my work!
Major Weaknesses:
My major weakness would probably have to be my counterclaims to my main argument because I often have a hard time representing an unbiased part to the claims that are against my own.
Sunday, April 24, 2016
Reflection
This in another post that will hopefully help me next week when I am going to be doing a video essay on my overall progress as a writer.
What are some successes?
One of the biggest successes this week was making a product that I am happy with and am confident when turning it in. Another key success is the fact that I actually revised and re-read my essay. This may seem like something that you're supposed to do on the always, but I have a bad habit of just turning my work in as soon as I finish it, so being able to re-read it is definitely something that I would call a success.
What are some challenges?
A big challenge was re-reading my essay with an unbiased opinion. As I was reading it I found it hard to detach myself from the supportive arguments that I was writing because I obviously agree with what I'm saying cause thats what I believe. Another challenge of mine was creating a works cited because I forgot how to do it completely, but I eventually figured it out, so don't worry!
Next week?
Since next week is a whole new project I am a little nervous about exactly what it is I want do exactly, especially because it is a video essay which is a whole new territory for me. Based on this week, however, I feel like it will be slightly less work because it is just about myself so I won't have to do more research.
Overall Feelings?
I overall feel pretty good about this project because essays are generally things that I feel most comfortable with, but I also struggled getting everything I wanted to across so I hope that it will turn out well.
What are some successes?
One of the biggest successes this week was making a product that I am happy with and am confident when turning it in. Another key success is the fact that I actually revised and re-read my essay. This may seem like something that you're supposed to do on the always, but I have a bad habit of just turning my work in as soon as I finish it, so being able to re-read it is definitely something that I would call a success.
What are some challenges?
A big challenge was re-reading my essay with an unbiased opinion. As I was reading it I found it hard to detach myself from the supportive arguments that I was writing because I obviously agree with what I'm saying cause thats what I believe. Another challenge of mine was creating a works cited because I forgot how to do it completely, but I eventually figured it out, so don't worry!
Next week?
Since next week is a whole new project I am a little nervous about exactly what it is I want do exactly, especially because it is a video essay which is a whole new territory for me. Based on this week, however, I feel like it will be slightly less work because it is just about myself so I won't have to do more research.
Overall Feelings?
I overall feel pretty good about this project because essays are generally things that I feel most comfortable with, but I also struggled getting everything I wanted to across so I hope that it will turn out well.
Peer Review 13b for Tim Wils
This is another peer review specifically Tim Wils' really cool and interesting video essay!
Here is the link to it!
For this post I will be focusing more on form than content. Tim's video essay was overall very solid and I felt like he was very passionate by the topic which came through in the video. I also thought his introduction and concluding scenes and slides were very powerful, connecting the whole thing together.
Some suggestions:
1. Some of the music and clips were either fuzzy or cut off so it was sometimes hard to see them and understand what they were saying. I would suggest finding newer clips and making sure they are full ones so the audio quality is a lot better.
2. This one is minor, but I'm super big on making everything match and I feel like it would have been more powerful if the text was in maybe a comic book for with a solid color scheme to fully tie together all his points.
I used pages 70-73 for overall editing, making sure I was giving good feedback and pages 123-127 again for the video essay conventions and help
I hope these suggestions will help him out because I learned a lot from his video essay as well. I learned the importance of being passionate about your subject and making that come through to the audience because that may determine the power of the video essay.
Here is the link to it!
For this post I will be focusing more on form than content. Tim's video essay was overall very solid and I felt like he was very passionate by the topic which came through in the video. I also thought his introduction and concluding scenes and slides were very powerful, connecting the whole thing together.
Some suggestions:
1. Some of the music and clips were either fuzzy or cut off so it was sometimes hard to see them and understand what they were saying. I would suggest finding newer clips and making sure they are full ones so the audio quality is a lot better.
2. This one is minor, but I'm super big on making everything match and I feel like it would have been more powerful if the text was in maybe a comic book for with a solid color scheme to fully tie together all his points.
I used pages 70-73 for overall editing, making sure I was giving good feedback and pages 123-127 again for the video essay conventions and help
I hope these suggestions will help him out because I learned a lot from his video essay as well. I learned the importance of being passionate about your subject and making that come through to the audience because that may determine the power of the video essay.
Peer Review 13a for Jianna
This is another post for peer reviews to help both one of my peers and myself as well!
Here is the link to Jianna's video essay!
Overall, I thought Jianna's video essay was very unique and interesting because of the way that she formatted the video and her personable attitude during the whole video.
For some suggestions:
1. I would say that adding more pictures in the beginning parts would make the beginning even more powerful because it is mostly just speaking directly to the camera which is personable, but sometimes a little boring.
2. Another suggestion I would add is to clear up some parts of the audio and lower the volume of the background music because sometimes it was harder to understand.
I hope these suggestions help her and they also helped me to get a good understanding for a video essay for next week!
I used pages 70-73 to understand how to give successful peer reviews and 123-127 to underline what a powerful video essay would look like. From Jianna, I learned a lot about video essay's because that is the only genre I haven't done yet, but more specifically I learned about the importance of including visuals like she did towards the middle to end of her video.
Here is the link to Jianna's video essay!
Overall, I thought Jianna's video essay was very unique and interesting because of the way that she formatted the video and her personable attitude during the whole video.
For some suggestions:
1. I would say that adding more pictures in the beginning parts would make the beginning even more powerful because it is mostly just speaking directly to the camera which is personable, but sometimes a little boring.
2. Another suggestion I would add is to clear up some parts of the audio and lower the volume of the background music because sometimes it was harder to understand.
I hope these suggestions help her and they also helped me to get a good understanding for a video essay for next week!
I used pages 70-73 to understand how to give successful peer reviews and 123-127 to underline what a powerful video essay would look like. From Jianna, I learned a lot about video essay's because that is the only genre I haven't done yet, but more specifically I learned about the importance of including visuals like she did towards the middle to end of her video.
Editorial Report 13b
This is the second post dedicated to the editing of the rough cut, hopefully in this post I can make another paragraph stronger!
Here is the rough draft of one of my supporting arguments:
Here is the re-edited version:
Here is the rough draft of one of my supporting arguments:
Starting with the young kids, the new Barbie dolls seem to have an overall positive effect. In a Buzzfeed video, the new dolls were exposed to young girls and boys and the results were extremely positive. As a first reaction to the dolls, many of them were confused at first because some dolls were taller or shorter or bigger, but then they became excited as many claimed “this one looks just like me”. One girl in particular even commented on the fact that the new curvy Barbie doll was important because “some people don’t look that much like” the past Barbie dolls (Pittman). Another group of girls done for a TIME study by Dockerman had different reactions that prove why these new Barbie dolls are much needed. Little girls in the group would call the “curvy” Barbie “fat”, pointing out the fact that she didn’t fit in with the other dolls. This reaction is somewhat surprising because even at such a young age, these girls see the differences in Barbie dolls as a negative, naming them “fat” or “chubby” (Cauterucci). This reaction shows the importance of this solution. In order to get young girls to understand that all body types are beautiful, there needs to be more body types available for Barbies. Young girls have responded with positivity to these new dolls, excited to play with dolls that they can better identify with. These new dolls seem to be overall positive for the children that they seem to affect most of all.
The new Barbie dolls seem to have an overall positive effect on the young children who play with the dolls the most. A British study done in 2006 showed that young girls who were exposed to Barbie reported lower self esteem, for their body specifically, and a desire to be skinnier versus young girls who were not exposed to dolls or exposed to dolls with larger body types. This solution of the new Barbie dolls is hoped to combat this. Because girls who were exposed to dolls with larger body types showed a higher self-esteem, the new Barbies will also be predicted to have this same effect because there is no unattainable standard for beauty (Pearson). In a Buzzfeed video, the new dolls were exposed to young girls and boys and the results were extremely positive. As a first reaction to the dolls, many of them were confused at first because some dolls were taller or shorter or bigger, but then they became excited as many claimed “this one looks just like me”. One girl in particular even commented on the fact that the new curvy Barbie doll was important because “some people don’t look that much like” the past Barbie dolls (Pittman). Another group of girls done for a TIME study by Dockerman had different reactions that prove why these new Barbie dolls are much needed. Little girls in the group would call the “curvy” Barbie “fat”, pointing out the fact that she didn’t fit in with the other dolls. This reaction is somewhat surprising because even at such a young age, these girls see the differences in Barbie dolls as a negative, naming them “fat” or “chubby” (Cauterucci). This reaction shows the importance of this solution. In order to get young girls to understand that all body types are beautiful, there needs to be more body types available for Barbies which is exactly what Mattel has done. Young girls have responded with positivity to these new dolls, excited to play with dolls that they can better identify with. These new dolls seem to be overall positive for the children of our country, the demographic they seem to affect most of all.
- How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?Overall, the content changed mostly because I added another study to the paragraph to make the overall paragraph seem stronger, gaining more evidence as to why this situation was a good situation. This helped to communicate my point better because it added another piece of evidence.
- How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
Editorial Report 13a
This post is one of two posts dedicated to revising a piece of my rough draft to make it more appropriate for my final draft!
Here is my rough cut:
Here is my rough cut:
People across the nation have been fed up with the body negativity that comes with Barbie dolls. Many claim that little girls are unable to have a positive role model in Barbie because her proportions are so unachievable. As previously said, there are also main controversies that back up this claim, showing that people are truly skeptical about Barbie. Because of these multiple controversies and more progressive thinking about body positivity, Mattel’s sales began to plummet. In response to these controversies and plummeting sales, Mattel has come up with a solution. On January 28th, 2016 Mattel announced the addition of three new types of Barbies that are to be sold across the country labed “tall”, “petite”, and “curvy” on March 1st in 2016. Mattel says Barbies will now be sold with four different body types, seven different skin tones, 22 eye colors and 27 hairstyles with the addition of these dolls (Pearson).
Here is my revised cut:
People across the nation have been fed up with the body negativity that comes with Barbie dolls. Many claim that little girls are unable to have a positive role model in Barbie because her proportions are so unachievable. The multiple controversies that have been a part of Mattel’s history back up this claim, showing that people are truly skeptical about Barbie. Because of these multiple controversies and more progressive thinking about body positivity, Mattel’s sales began to plummet. Their sales decreased by 4% in 2015 and their stock price fell 45% from 2013. In response to these controversies and plummeting sales, Mattel came up with a solution. On January 28th, 2016 Mattel announced the addition of three new types of Barbies that are to be sold across the country, labed “tall”, “petite”, and “curvy” in stores on March 1st in 2016. Mattel says Barbies will now be sold with four different body types, seven different skin tones, 22 eye colors and 27 hairstyles with the addition of these dolls (Pearson). These large changes are ones that are promoting body positivity for all young girls, changes that are good for the public rather than bad.
- How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?Overall, I basically edited the paragraph for content material as well as overall formatting editing such as tense usage and grammar. I also added a statistic that I thought would better enhance the fact of Mattel's sales plummeting. This content is communicated more effectively because I feel that the paragraph now has a good amount of sustenance.
- How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?The biggest piece of form that I edited was I added a conclusion paragraph to the paragraph because without that paragraph it sounds very abrupt and not as powerful. This allows for the reader to feel as if each paragraph is fully ended and completed, making a stronger form.
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Peer Review 12b for Alexander McCarthy
For this post I reviewed Alexander McCarthy's Quick Reference Guide.
Here is his QRG!
Overall, I thought that Alexander's QRG was very detailed and relayed the information quite well because even though I knew nothing about the F-35 or airplanes in general, from reading the QRG I got a deeper understanding. Because of that I will be focusing more on form than content because I really think he did a good job in the content category.
Here are my suggestions:
1. Starting off with just the front page, I would suggest a catchier title, maybe even a funny one with a bolder font to draw the reader in.
2. I would suggest playing with different colors for the subheadings or adding numbered pages and adding like a clipart airplane next to the numbers. I feel like a QRG is often very interactive for the eye, so adding things that will draw the readers attention to certain pieces will make the QRG even more powerful.
3. Lastly, I would also suggest something very specific on the second page, numbering the planes instead of bulleting them, making sure it is clear which picture goes to each one because that was a bit confusing.
I used the 70-73 pages from the student guide about general editing pieces as well as my own knowledge of the form of a QRG because I did one just recently.
From Alexander's QRG I learned the importance of details and creating all sides to a story which is what I will carry over into my own project.
Here is his QRG!
Overall, I thought that Alexander's QRG was very detailed and relayed the information quite well because even though I knew nothing about the F-35 or airplanes in general, from reading the QRG I got a deeper understanding. Because of that I will be focusing more on form than content because I really think he did a good job in the content category.
Here are my suggestions:
1. Starting off with just the front page, I would suggest a catchier title, maybe even a funny one with a bolder font to draw the reader in.
2. I would suggest playing with different colors for the subheadings or adding numbered pages and adding like a clipart airplane next to the numbers. I feel like a QRG is often very interactive for the eye, so adding things that will draw the readers attention to certain pieces will make the QRG even more powerful.
3. Lastly, I would also suggest something very specific on the second page, numbering the planes instead of bulleting them, making sure it is clear which picture goes to each one because that was a bit confusing.
I used the 70-73 pages from the student guide about general editing pieces as well as my own knowledge of the form of a QRG because I did one just recently.
From Alexander's QRG I learned the importance of details and creating all sides to a story which is what I will carry over into my own project.
Peer Review 12a for Marisa Kubacki
For this post I reviewed Marisa's video essay!
Here is her rough cut.
For this post I will be reviewing her video essay on the specific form that a video essay has and a little bit of the content.
Honestly, this video essay is already very powerful. Sometimes raw footage of yourself, speaking passionately about something you believe in, for me, is a successful piece of work. Marisa did a really great job with connecting with her audience and keeping them interested.
As far as suggestions go, I just have a few:
1. While I love the personal feel of her video essay, I would suggest maybe adding some pictures and animations to the less serious parts, like the quotes she used in the middle or putting some numbers up as she says statistics. I would also say that sometimes adding a bit of music in the background can amp up the video essay as well.
2. I would also suggest adding a more creative title to show the listener what it is she is talking about before they start watching. I'm not too creative with titles so I'm not sure I could help with one, but make sure to not forget one!
3. Finally I would say to try to look at the camera more to give an even more personable feel.
Overall, it's a super solid video essay and her additions that she said she would do plus my suggestions should hopefully help her amp up her video essay even more.
I used pages 70-73 about overall peer reviewing from the student guide and also my almost obsessive watching of YouTube videos that helped me gain an understanding of video essays. Originally I wasn't going to include my face in the video essay, but after seeing Marisa's video, I think that it adds a sense of personality that I would love to include in my video essay next week.
Here is her rough cut.
For this post I will be reviewing her video essay on the specific form that a video essay has and a little bit of the content.
Honestly, this video essay is already very powerful. Sometimes raw footage of yourself, speaking passionately about something you believe in, for me, is a successful piece of work. Marisa did a really great job with connecting with her audience and keeping them interested.
As far as suggestions go, I just have a few:
1. While I love the personal feel of her video essay, I would suggest maybe adding some pictures and animations to the less serious parts, like the quotes she used in the middle or putting some numbers up as she says statistics. I would also say that sometimes adding a bit of music in the background can amp up the video essay as well.
2. I would also suggest adding a more creative title to show the listener what it is she is talking about before they start watching. I'm not too creative with titles so I'm not sure I could help with one, but make sure to not forget one!
3. Finally I would say to try to look at the camera more to give an even more personable feel.
Overall, it's a super solid video essay and her additions that she said she would do plus my suggestions should hopefully help her amp up her video essay even more.
I used pages 70-73 about overall peer reviewing from the student guide and also my almost obsessive watching of YouTube videos that helped me gain an understanding of video essays. Originally I wasn't going to include my face in the video essay, but after seeing Marisa's video, I think that it adds a sense of personality that I would love to include in my video essay next week.
Reflection on Post-Production Phase I
This post will be about the feelings I had about this project, showing my progress with all the ups and downs of this week.
Successes?
The biggest success I would say is creating an essay that is interesting and almost complete. I would also say that I am happy that I am still interested in the topic because often times I am done with the topic by the end of the rough draft because I was working on it so long.
Challenges?
The biggest challenges had to do with organization as well as connecting the information that I gathered into an actual essay. It was hard for me to decide how to format my essay because I wasn't 100% sure about the expected format as well as I wasn't sure where to put the counter-claims to my argument. I also had a hard time putting my information together in a fluid type of format.
Next Week?
After completing the rough draft, I feel like my work will be generally easier because I have the basis for my essay all written out. The challenges I faced this week will probably not happen for next week, so I am more comfortable with next week's assignments.
Overall Feelings
My overall feelings on this project are mostly good, but I do need to manage my time better because I found myself doing a lot of the work over the weekend which I would prefer not to do. I am also happy with the topic still, but am also excited to finish the project.
Successes?
The biggest success I would say is creating an essay that is interesting and almost complete. I would also say that I am happy that I am still interested in the topic because often times I am done with the topic by the end of the rough draft because I was working on it so long.
Challenges?
The biggest challenges had to do with organization as well as connecting the information that I gathered into an actual essay. It was hard for me to decide how to format my essay because I wasn't 100% sure about the expected format as well as I wasn't sure where to put the counter-claims to my argument. I also had a hard time putting my information together in a fluid type of format.
Next Week?
After completing the rough draft, I feel like my work will be generally easier because I have the basis for my essay all written out. The challenges I faced this week will probably not happen for next week, so I am more comfortable with next week's assignments.
Overall Feelings
My overall feelings on this project are mostly good, but I do need to manage my time better because I found myself doing a lot of the work over the weekend which I would prefer not to do. I am also happy with the topic still, but am also excited to finish the project.
Open Post to Peer Reviewers
This post is dedicated to the rough draft of my project 3. This is a post speaking to the audience about specific pieces of the essay and parts that may not be completely perfect.
Here is my rough draft!
This is a very rough draft, so I know there are specific points I need to go more in depth on, but all the basic information should be there
Strengths?
The first couple of paragraphs are the more detailed ones because I spent the most time on those and I feel like my supporting evidence is a lot stronger than the counter arguments. I also edited my intro heavily so i think that piece is very solid.
Weaknesses?
I definitely need to fix the counter arguments and how they are not as good as the solution given. I also need to work on making my conclusion extremely strong so that I can end on a better note. Also, I would love for some help on a creative title because I definitely don't have a good one right now!
Here is my rough draft!
This is a very rough draft, so I know there are specific points I need to go more in depth on, but all the basic information should be there
Strengths?
The first couple of paragraphs are the more detailed ones because I spent the most time on those and I feel like my supporting evidence is a lot stronger than the counter arguments. I also edited my intro heavily so i think that piece is very solid.
Weaknesses?
I definitely need to fix the counter arguments and how they are not as good as the solution given. I also need to work on making my conclusion extremely strong so that I can end on a better note. Also, I would love for some help on a creative title because I definitely don't have a good one right now!
Editorial Report 12b
This post is another editing report on a specific piece of my essay.
Selection from "Rough Cut"
"Re-Edited" Selection
Selection from "Rough Cut"
To truly understand the full expanse of the 2016 controversy over the new Barbie dolls, Mattel’s past must be brought to life. It all started in 1945 by a woman named Ruth Handler. She was the woman who created the Mattel company, along with her husband, after being inspired to create dolls from watching her young daughter play with paper dolls. Her dream was made into a reality in 1959 as Barbie, the Teen-Age Fashion Model, was put in the annual Toy Fair in New York with the name Barbie Millicent Roberts. That’s when Barbie took flight, for she was unlike any of the toddler or baby dolls the country had seen before. In the first year over 300,000 Barbie’s were sold and the numbers kept rising (barbiemedia.com). However, in 1963 started the first major controversy that sparked people’s thoughts over whether or not Barbie was a good role model for young girls. In 1963, a Barbie outfit named “Barbie Baby-Sits” came with a book titled “How to Lose Weight” which advised young girls to not eat. Mattel responded with an explanation of how Barbie’s waist needed to be small because zippers and waistbands added bulk to her body. As the 1970s approached Barbie reflected the same styles such as long hair and long skirts. People, however, were still upset by her unattainable figure and resulted in some feminists at Berkeley burning many Barbies in protest and as a symbol of male oppression. In the 1980s Black, Hispanic, and International Barbies were introduced to the world. Even though these dolls were taking a right step into the right direction of representing all people, these dolls had no features of these races and instead had just change of skin color. Later, in the 1990s, is when a new Barbie was introduced that would say “Math class is tough”. This got a large amount of backlash from the people of America because many people thought that is was a poorly executed doll that got many people offended. Mattel had to offer replacement dolls to those who were offended as well (Dockterman).
"Re-Edited" Selection
To truly understand the full expanse of the 2016 controversy over the new Barbie dolls, Mattel’s past must be brought to life. It all started in 1945 by a woman named Ruth Handler. She is the woman who created the Mattel company, along with her husband, after being inspired to create dolls from watching her young daughter play with paper dolls. Her dream was made into a reality in 1959 as Barbie the “Teen-Age Fashion Model” was put in the annual Toy Fair in New York with the name Barbie Millicent Roberts. That’s when Barbie began to gain traction, becoming more popular. In the first year, over 300,000 Barbie’s were sold and the numbers kept rising (barbiemedia.com). However, in 1963 was the start of the first major controversy that sparked people’s thoughts over whether or not Barbie was a good role model for young girls. A Barbie outfit named “Barbie Baby-Sits” came with a book titled “How to Lose Weight” which advised young girls to “not eat”, causing a large outrage. Mattel responded with an explanation of how Barbie’s waist needed to be small because zippers and waistbands added bulk to her body. As the 1970s approached, Barbie reflected the same styles such as long hair and long skirts. People, however, were still upset by her unattainable figure and resulted in feminists at Berkeley burning many Barbies in protest. In the 1980s, Black, Hispanic, and International Barbies were introduced to the world. Even though these dolls were taking a right step into the right direction of representing all people, these dolls had no features of these races and instead had just change of skin color. Later, in the 1990s, is when a new Barbie was introduced that said “Math class is tough”. This got a large amount of backlash from the people of America because many people thought that is was a poorly executed doll that got many people offended. Mattel had to offer replacement dolls to those who were offended as well (Dockterman).
- How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?The content changed slightly because I edited out some of the less needed words. I also added some more content to help the essay flow better because I noticed that is was a little choppy in parts especially because it is a paragraph about the history of Barbie, so it is hard to make it interesting to read.
- How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?I edited the paragraph for grammar mistakes which is very helpful for me because I often tend to make a large amount of grammar mistakes. I added commas where needed and made sure the paragraph made sense for what I was trying to say.
Editorial Report 12a
Selection from "Rough Cut"
I remember a time where the world was a place of laughter and endless fun. It was a time where I woke up at seven am and had no problem doing so because I would get up, go to my Scooby-Doo themed highchair and have my favorite breakfast: microwavable pancakes. I’d go to a place called Melino Elementary School for 6 hours and run around on the playground with friends, then come home and play with my favorite toy: Barbie. Her blonde hair that seemed to be spun out of gold and her seemingly endless amount of clothing made a playtime of three hours seem like three minutes. As I grew up with Barbie at my side I began to notice small things in myself that did not quite match her perfect form, like my bigger than usual belly or very long dusty blonde hair. As a child, we have a sense of naivety that follows our every thought, but that naivety begins to go away as we experience new things, one of those things being the issue of body image. We often compare ourselves to others, seeing them as ‘better’ than us. This feeling of comparison often happens at a younger age, starting when we start to play with things that resemble ourselves, such as a Barbie doll. Mattel has recently come out with three new Barbie dolls named “tall”, “petite”, and “curvy” to try and alleviate this issue in young girls or boys. However, with any change, this new addition has caused some controversy and debates over the effectiveness of these new dolls.Throughout the years, Barbie dolls have been an icon and role model for girls across the world. The
new addition of Barbie dolls in this recent year of 2016, is a large step in the right direction for body positivity, for it allows girls to play with dolls that do not fit an unattainable mold, giving them a role model that praises different body types instead of knocking them down.
I remember a time where the world was a place of laughter and endless fun. It was a time where I woke up at 7am and had no problem doing so because I would get up, go to my Scooby-Doo themed highchair and have my favorite breakfast: microwavable pancakes. After school I’d then go play with my favorite toy: Barbie. Her blonde hair that seemed to be spun out of gold and her seemingly endless amount of clothing made a playtime of three hours seem like three minutes. As I grew up with Barbie at my side I began to notice small things in myself that did not quite match her perfect form, like my bigger than usual belly or very long dusty blonde hair. These feelings of body negativity are ones that I still carry with me today. As it turns out, this negativity from the perfect Barbie was not only felt by my young 14 year-old self. In response, Mattel has recently come out with three new Barbie dolls named “tall”, “petite”, and “curvy” to try and alleviate this issue in young girls or boys. However, as with any change, this new addition has caused some controversy and debates over the effectiveness of these new dolls. The new addition of Barbie dolls in this recent year of 2016, is a large step in the right direction for body positivity, for it allows girls to play with dolls that do not fit an unattainable mold, giving them a role model that praises different body types instead of knocking them down.
- How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?Even though it was very hard for me to do so, I made the new introduction slightly smaller because that was the main comment I got from a large amount of my peer reviewers. I made my personal story a lot smaller and made it so only the key details were kept. The content is more effectively communicated because it is more direct and to the point.
- How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?The form changed slightly because by making the introduction smaller than it was before, it allows for the form to look nicer as an essay because it isn't like a big block of text for the reader to look at.
Sunday, April 10, 2016
Peer Review 11b
This is the last post dedicated to Production Week and it is another peer review from the 8 am class.
Here is Jason's introduction for his production report!
For this post I will be mainly focusing on the content of his essay because I feel like the content is one of the most important pieces of an essay.
Firstly, I felt very connected to this particular topic because I live close to the potentially new South Mountain freeway in the Phoenix area, so I understand the large amount of controversy over this topic. I also think that Jason's intro is one that many people would relate a lot to because if you've ever been to Phoenix during the summer there is a large chance you've experienced the traffic + heat combo.
Next, some suggestions:
1. I personally love Jason's intro hook, but I feel like he can expand more on it. I think it would be interesting and more powerful to go into deeper detail on what people are actually feeling as they basically die in the heat when traffic occurs on the I-10.
2. Secondly, I would say that his thesis is a bit to convoluted. I had a hard time finding what his argument was in this thesis, so I would suggest rewording it and finding out exactly what he hopes to be proving in the essay.
I hope these suggestions helped because one of the most important parts of an essay is the thesis, so we want to make it very powerful. Overall, I think this is a great introduction and one that greatly sets up his essay!
I used pages 63- 66 of the Student Guide to help understand the importance of picking a focal topic and really carrying through that topic throughout.
One thing I learned from Jason's intro is the importance of making your hook be relatable. If people don't find it relatable, people are more likely to not want to read it. Jason did a really good job of making it relatable, so I will try to incorporate that into my writing as well.
Here is Jason's introduction for his production report!
For this post I will be mainly focusing on the content of his essay because I feel like the content is one of the most important pieces of an essay.
Firstly, I felt very connected to this particular topic because I live close to the potentially new South Mountain freeway in the Phoenix area, so I understand the large amount of controversy over this topic. I also think that Jason's intro is one that many people would relate a lot to because if you've ever been to Phoenix during the summer there is a large chance you've experienced the traffic + heat combo.
Next, some suggestions:
1. I personally love Jason's intro hook, but I feel like he can expand more on it. I think it would be interesting and more powerful to go into deeper detail on what people are actually feeling as they basically die in the heat when traffic occurs on the I-10.
2. Secondly, I would say that his thesis is a bit to convoluted. I had a hard time finding what his argument was in this thesis, so I would suggest rewording it and finding out exactly what he hopes to be proving in the essay.
I hope these suggestions helped because one of the most important parts of an essay is the thesis, so we want to make it very powerful. Overall, I think this is a great introduction and one that greatly sets up his essay!
I used pages 63- 66 of the Student Guide to help understand the importance of picking a focal topic and really carrying through that topic throughout.
One thing I learned from Jason's intro is the importance of making your hook be relatable. If people don't find it relatable, people are more likely to not want to read it. Jason did a really good job of making it relatable, so I will try to incorporate that into my writing as well.
Peer Review 11a
In this blog post I will be reviewing Sarah's video essay segment that she did for Project 3 about children and the time they spend on screens.
Here is her intro to her video essay!
For this post I will be mostly focusing on the form of her video essay, so I will be learning and giving suggestions for the conventions and structure of a video essay.
First of all, I think Sarah's topic is very interesting and she has an overall intro that has definitely caught my attention. I think that her actual content is very solid and her voice over has exactly what a video essay needs. (Also, I love her title)
Just some suggestions:
1. I would say that the pictures sometimes get a bit repetitive as she speaks. For example, they all seem to have the same animation that makes the visual piece of the essay not as strong as her content. So I would suggest maybe changing some of the animation.
2. On a more specific piece, when she says "iPhones, iPads, tablets" I think it would be interesting if she flashed those three devices one after the other as she spoke them to connect the reader's ears with their eyes, making the content that much more powerful.
When reviewing her video essay I hope these suggestions help throughout the video because I think it's important to make the visual connect to the audio pieces of the essay.
I included pages 70-73 of the Student's Guide which dealt with specific ways on how to peer review as well as pages 123-127 for specifics on what a video essay has and what makes it powerful.
Finally, what I learned from her work is the importance of a good title. I feel like she had a very strong title which drew the listener in, something I will try to incorporate for my own work.
Here is her intro to her video essay!
For this post I will be mostly focusing on the form of her video essay, so I will be learning and giving suggestions for the conventions and structure of a video essay.
First of all, I think Sarah's topic is very interesting and she has an overall intro that has definitely caught my attention. I think that her actual content is very solid and her voice over has exactly what a video essay needs. (Also, I love her title)
Just some suggestions:
1. I would say that the pictures sometimes get a bit repetitive as she speaks. For example, they all seem to have the same animation that makes the visual piece of the essay not as strong as her content. So I would suggest maybe changing some of the animation.
2. On a more specific piece, when she says "iPhones, iPads, tablets" I think it would be interesting if she flashed those three devices one after the other as she spoke them to connect the reader's ears with their eyes, making the content that much more powerful.
When reviewing her video essay I hope these suggestions help throughout the video because I think it's important to make the visual connect to the audio pieces of the essay.
I included pages 70-73 of the Student's Guide which dealt with specific ways on how to peer review as well as pages 123-127 for specifics on what a video essay has and what makes it powerful.
Finally, what I learned from her work is the importance of a good title. I feel like she had a very strong title which drew the listener in, something I will try to incorporate for my own work.
Reflection on Production Week
This is a post dedicated to my reflection on the work I did throughout this week.
Some Successes?
Overall, I think that a lot of my production week went very well. A specific success was that I found a lot of very solid articles that were very helpful in writing some of the rough draft. I also had an easy time writing this piece because I found myself very interested in the topic, so I was able to write what I was feeling.
Some Challenges?
I had a specific challenge this week which was creating a hook for my introduction. I wanted to make it perfect so I took a large amount of time just staring at an open, blank screen, waiting for something to magically pop into my head. I also had a hard time making the "history" part of my essay be fun instead of listing a bunch of facts at certain time periods, so I'm still not sure if I totally achieved that.
Next Week?
I feel like next week I will really need to buckle down on editing and making sure that my essay is one that is interesting while still being informative because I think that is something I genuinely struggle with. However, I am also quite confident that next week will go well because I do have a lot of sources piled up that will help me through.
Overall?
As I said before, I feel pretty confident in this project. I am also very hopeful in the fact that I want it to be entertaining but still keep that professionalism that I think a lot of Standard College Essays should have. I also think that this week helped me organize my thought better and had be moving down a path that is easier than first glance.
Some Successes?
Overall, I think that a lot of my production week went very well. A specific success was that I found a lot of very solid articles that were very helpful in writing some of the rough draft. I also had an easy time writing this piece because I found myself very interested in the topic, so I was able to write what I was feeling.
Some Challenges?
I had a specific challenge this week which was creating a hook for my introduction. I wanted to make it perfect so I took a large amount of time just staring at an open, blank screen, waiting for something to magically pop into my head. I also had a hard time making the "history" part of my essay be fun instead of listing a bunch of facts at certain time periods, so I'm still not sure if I totally achieved that.
Next Week?
I feel like next week I will really need to buckle down on editing and making sure that my essay is one that is interesting while still being informative because I think that is something I genuinely struggle with. However, I am also quite confident that next week will go well because I do have a lot of sources piled up that will help me through.
Overall?
As I said before, I feel pretty confident in this project. I am also very hopeful in the fact that I want it to be entertaining but still keep that professionalism that I think a lot of Standard College Essays should have. I also think that this week helped me organize my thought better and had be moving down a path that is easier than first glance.
Production Report 11b
Here is another production report, but this time on my 1st body paragraph!
Here is my outline form:
1st Body Paragraph:
~All about the past of Barbie dolls
-effect it had on children
-controversies
-effect it had on media
~Lead into the present day issue of the introduction of petite, tall, and curvy Barbie
-What is the Cause and what is the solution?
And here is my rough draft of the first body paragraph:
Here is my outline form:
1st Body Paragraph:
~All about the past of Barbie dolls
-effect it had on children
-controversies
-effect it had on media
~Lead into the present day issue of the introduction of petite, tall, and curvy Barbie
-What is the Cause and what is the solution?
And here is my rough draft of the first body paragraph:
To truly understand the full expanse of the 2016 controversy over the new Barbie dolls, Mattel’s past must be brought to life. It all started in 1945 by a woman named Ruth Handler. She was the woman who created the Mattel company, along with her husband, after being inspired to create dolls from watching her young daughter play with paper dolls. Her dream was made into a reality in 1959 as Barbie, the Teen-Age Fashion Model, was put in the annual Toy Fair in New York with the name Barbie Millicent Roberts. That’s when Barbie took flight, for she was unlike any of the toddler or baby dolls the country had seen before. In the first year over 300,000 Barbie’s were sold and the numbers kept rising (barbiemedia.com). However, in 1963 started the first major controversy that sparked people’s thoughts over whether or not Barbie was a good role model for young girls. In 1963, a Barbie outfit named “Barbie Baby-Sits” came with a book titled “How to Lose Weight” which advised young girls to not eat. Mattel responded with an explanation of how Barbie’s waist needed to be small because zippers and waistbands added bulk to her body. As the 1970s approached Barbie reflected the same styles such as long hair and long skirts. People, however, were still upset by her unattainable figure and resulted in some feminists at Berkeley burning many Barbies in protest and as a symbol of male oppression. In the 1980s Black, Hispanic, and International Barbies were introduced to the world. Even though these dolls were taking a right step into the right direction of representing all people, these dolls had no features of these races and instead had just change of skin color. Later, in the 1990s, is when a new Barbie was introduced that would say “Math class is tough”. This got a large amount of backlash from the people of America because many people thought that is was a poorly executed doll that got many people offended. Mattel had to offer replacement dolls to those who were offended as well (Dockterman).
Even through all these controversies, Barbie sales continued to increase. However, in more recent times there have been bigger controversies such as an “Oreo Cookie Doll” which featured an African American woman in 1997, offending many, a “Totally Tattoo Barbie” which people claimed would make kids want to get tattoos, and an “I Can be a Computer Engineer” Barbie which depicted a sexist book where Barbie could not actually fix computers. (Dockterman) After knowing all these controversies, it is easy to see why Barbie sales are plummeting and why they came out with new dolls. On January 28th, 2016 Mattel announced the addition of three new types of Barbies that are to be sold across the country labed “tall”, “petite”, and “curvy” on March 1st in 2016. Mattel says Barbies will now be sold with four different body types, seven different skin tones, 22 eye colors and 27 hairstyles with the addition of these dolls. This addition has sparked some controversy amoung the people of America, however, for numerous reasons.
- How did you decide to use form to present your content in the raw material you’ve shared here? How did the conventions of your chosen genre influence your choices?As far as form goes for this piece of the essay, I used in text citations that match up to my works cited which is a common piece of convention for a Standard College Essay. I also used topic sentences and conclusion sentences which is another key convention in a SCE.
- How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?
The production of the raw material went fairly well. I did notice that I didn't have materials for the history of Barbie dolls so I had to research more of that piece but I think that I incorporated what I wanted to in my draft.
Production Report 11a
This post is dedicated to the before and after pieces of my essay that I will be writing!
Here is the outline part of my introduction:
Introduction
~Open with my personal experiences with playing with Barbie's as a kid.
~Introduce topic in question and how it came to be
Here is the edited version:
I remember a time where the world was a place of laughter and endless fun. It was a time where I woke up at seven am and had no problem doing so because I would get up, go to my Scooby-Doo themed highchair and have my favorite breakfast: microwavable pancakes. I’d go to a place called Melino Elementary School for 6 hours and run around on the playground with friends, then come home and play with my favorite toy: Barbie. Her blonde hair that seemed to be spun out of gold and her seemingly endless amount of clothing made a playtime of three hours seem like three minutes. As I grew up with Barbie at my side I began to notice small things in myself that did not quite match her perfect form, like my bigger than usual belly or very long dusty blonde hair. As a child, we have a sense of naivety that follows our every thought, but that naivety begins to go away as we experience new things, one of those things being the issue of body image. We often compare ourselves to others, seeing them as ‘better’ than us. This feeling of comparison often happens at a younger age, starting when we start to play with things that resemble ourselves, such as a Barbie doll. Mattel has recently come out with three new Barbie dolls named “tall”, “petite”, and “curvy” to try and alleviate this issue in young girls or boys. However, as with any change, this new addition has caused some controversy and debates over the effectiveness of these new dolls. Throughout the years, Barbie dolls have been an icon and role model for girls across the world. The new addition of Barbie dolls in this recent year of 2016, is a large step in the right direction for body positivity, for it allows girls to play with dolls that do not fit an unattainable mold, giving them a role model that praises different body types instead of knocking them down.
- How did you decide to use form to present your content in the raw material you’ve shared here? How did the conventions of your chosen genre influence your choices?I used the idea of a "hook" for the beginning part of the introduction because that often draws the reader in, wanting to read more of the work. I also made a working thesis that was defendable at the end of the introduction which was another important part of form. As far as conventions go, I made sure I didn't use any contractions or numbers because those are parts of the conventions of an essay.
- How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?Writing an introduction is one of my favorite parts of an essay, but I wanted this one to be perfect so I thought a lot about including each sentence and where to put each sentence. I also found it hard to make a strong thesis because that has always been one of my struggling points.
Sunday, April 3, 2016
Peer Review 10b
This is another post for Peer Review that I did on Marvin Chaires' video essay, specifically I want to focus on helping him with his production schedule.
Here is his production schedule!
Overall, I felt like Marvin's production outline was very detailed in what exactly he wanted to get done for each day, explaining each section thoughrouly. I quite enjoyed his line "Provide counterarguments and demolish them with visual back up evidence" because I felt like it added a bit of humor in something that most people didn't, which I felt was very strong.
One comment is that I would just like to offer some advice on recording his voice overs and various audio pieces. I know for me when I used audio in my podcast I checked out various equipment from the library that amplified the sound, making it even more clear. I know they also allow you to rent out camera's which would be very helpful in making the video pieces clearer.
I feel like by using this information, the actual content of the video essay will come across even more credible and will make the content seem even more reliable with sustenance.
I used the basic peer review sections of the Student Guide to give feedback and suggestions which were pages 70-73 because I often find myself having a hard time giving solid feedback.
From Marvin, I learned about the importance of really outlining exactly what you need to do for each day instead of just stating a general amount of work because I think it focuses your time better.
Here is his production schedule!
Overall, I felt like Marvin's production outline was very detailed in what exactly he wanted to get done for each day, explaining each section thoughrouly. I quite enjoyed his line "Provide counterarguments and demolish them with visual back up evidence" because I felt like it added a bit of humor in something that most people didn't, which I felt was very strong.
One comment is that I would just like to offer some advice on recording his voice overs and various audio pieces. I know for me when I used audio in my podcast I checked out various equipment from the library that amplified the sound, making it even more clear. I know they also allow you to rent out camera's which would be very helpful in making the video pieces clearer.
I feel like by using this information, the actual content of the video essay will come across even more credible and will make the content seem even more reliable with sustenance.
I used the basic peer review sections of the Student Guide to give feedback and suggestions which were pages 70-73 because I often find myself having a hard time giving solid feedback.
From Marvin, I learned about the importance of really outlining exactly what you need to do for each day instead of just stating a general amount of work because I think it focuses your time better.
Peer Review 10a
For this blog post I will be reviewing David's Content Outline, reviewing and commenting some advice I would give as well as outlining what I learned from it.
Here is his Content Outline.
Overall, I feel like his content outline is very detailed and really outlines everything that he wants to talk about which will help him greatly in the future when he's actually producing the podcast.
One of the biggest comments I would say is to make sure the audio that he picks will come across in the podcast. I noticed he was picking pieces from SNL which often use a lot of visual stimulation as well as audio, so I'm a bit worried what he wants to come across may not be as successful.
Going off of that even a bit more, I think it would helpful for him to find exactly the seconds and exact links he will be using and put them in his outline because I do feel like that will be incredibly time consuming.
I feel like adding these two things will help David save some time in the long run, but more importantly I feel like these suggests will make sure that his content is successful in what he wants to communicate to the audience.
I used the Drafting section of the Student's Guide a little bit to make sure that David had key content points in his outline, which he did. I just amped up the content a bit to make sure it was more clear to the audience what he wanted to get across.
His outline was very well-developed and had many key details as well as how he was going to explain those key details in his podcast which I thought was very powerful and helpful. That is a key piece that I think I will add to my outline to give myself less work to do on production week.
Reflection
This is the first assessment of my Project thus far, so here I am being honest again !
Some Successes?
I feel like this week started out stressful, but for the most part I found myself with mostly success. I was really excited to work on this project because there were many controversies that I had been dying to talk about, so finding a topic was not hard. The hard part came with choosing which one. I also feel like a made a solid production schedule that made it so the work load was evenly dispersed and not too much in one day. Last project I had difficulty completing the things I wanted to get done for each day, so I made sure that I was better with that for this week. This will also be the easiest genre for me to write in so I am excited to start writing.
Some Challenges?
Like I mentioned earlier, I had a lot of topics that I was interested in doing, so it was slightly difficult to choose one that I was most passionate about. I was overanalyzing each one in hopes of determining which one would work out the best with the project. Another challenge I encountered was finding some of the opposing sources to the controversy. I imagine it would be quite frowned upon by society if there were to be articles posting about Barbie's new dolls to be bad for children, so finding some of those types of articles was one of the more difficult pieces of this week
Next Week?
I feel like if I stick to my schedule for next week, it will go pretty smoothly and I will be able to get a lot of my work done. However, I do sometimes miss a day of work that I needed to get done and that sometimes sets me back a large amount, messing up my whole daily schedule. Needless to say I do find myself speeding through essay's so I hope that will help me in the long run. I've done multiple of these types of essays before so I think my experience will help me through next week and the weeks to come.
Overall?
This is probably the most confident I've felt on one of our projects before because I'm doing it on a topic that can be more fun and with a genre that I find myself very comfortable in. I am also very excited to delve into this topic because it is something that I've been interested in for a while
Some Successes?
I feel like this week started out stressful, but for the most part I found myself with mostly success. I was really excited to work on this project because there were many controversies that I had been dying to talk about, so finding a topic was not hard. The hard part came with choosing which one. I also feel like a made a solid production schedule that made it so the work load was evenly dispersed and not too much in one day. Last project I had difficulty completing the things I wanted to get done for each day, so I made sure that I was better with that for this week. This will also be the easiest genre for me to write in so I am excited to start writing.
Some Challenges?
Like I mentioned earlier, I had a lot of topics that I was interested in doing, so it was slightly difficult to choose one that I was most passionate about. I was overanalyzing each one in hopes of determining which one would work out the best with the project. Another challenge I encountered was finding some of the opposing sources to the controversy. I imagine it would be quite frowned upon by society if there were to be articles posting about Barbie's new dolls to be bad for children, so finding some of those types of articles was one of the more difficult pieces of this week
Next Week?
I feel like if I stick to my schedule for next week, it will go pretty smoothly and I will be able to get a lot of my work done. However, I do sometimes miss a day of work that I needed to get done and that sometimes sets me back a large amount, messing up my whole daily schedule. Needless to say I do find myself speeding through essay's so I hope that will help me in the long run. I've done multiple of these types of essays before so I think my experience will help me through next week and the weeks to come.
Overall?
This is probably the most confident I've felt on one of our projects before because I'm doing it on a topic that can be more fun and with a genre that I find myself very comfortable in. I am also very excited to delve into this topic because it is something that I've been interested in for a while
Production Schedule
This next blog post is dedicated to my production schedule which is my favorite part because it almost forces me to follow a set of tasks throughout the week instead of doing it all at the end.
Monday April 4, 2016
~Do some extra research about the people against the new Barbie dolls
-Where? Arbol de La Vida Study Room
-Resources? Computer, some working fingers
Tuesday April 5, 2016
~Start typing out Introduction and 1st Body Paragraph and 1 Blog Post
-Where? Arbol de La Vida Study Room
-Resources? Computer, gathered research, Outline
Wednesday April 6, 2016
~Start typing out 2nd Body Paragraph and 2 Blog Posts
-Where? Arbol de La Vida Study Room
-Resources? Computer, research, Outline
Thursday April 7, 2016
~Start typing out 3rd Body Paragraph and 1 Blog Post
-Where? Arbol de La Vida Study Room
-Resources? Computer, research, Outline, some fingers
Friday April 8, 2016
~Finish paper with the Conclusion
-Where? Arbol de La Vida Study Room
-Resources? Computer, outside research, my outline
Saturday April 9, 2016
~Finish up blog posts and do a little editing of the rough draft (if i have time)
-Where? Arbol de La Vida Study Room
-Resources? Computer, research, Outline
Monday April 4, 2016
~Do some extra research about the people against the new Barbie dolls
-Where? Arbol de La Vida Study Room
-Resources? Computer, some working fingers
Tuesday April 5, 2016
~Start typing out Introduction and 1st Body Paragraph and 1 Blog Post
-Where? Arbol de La Vida Study Room
-Resources? Computer, gathered research, Outline
Wednesday April 6, 2016
~Start typing out 2nd Body Paragraph and 2 Blog Posts
-Where? Arbol de La Vida Study Room
-Resources? Computer, research, Outline
Thursday April 7, 2016
~Start typing out 3rd Body Paragraph and 1 Blog Post
-Where? Arbol de La Vida Study Room
-Resources? Computer, research, Outline, some fingers
Friday April 8, 2016
~Finish paper with the Conclusion
-Where? Arbol de La Vida Study Room
-Resources? Computer, outside research, my outline
Saturday April 9, 2016
~Finish up blog posts and do a little editing of the rough draft (if i have time)
-Where? Arbol de La Vida Study Room
-Resources? Computer, research, Outline
Content Outline
Here is my Content Outline for my Project! It is a very rough outline and is subject to change at any time because I am super indecisive!
Introduction
~Open with my personal experiences with playing with Barbie's as a kid.
~Introduce topic in question and how it came to be
~THESIS
1st Body Paragraph:
~All about the past of Barbie dolls
-effect it had on children
-controversies
-effect it had on media
~Lead into the present day issue of the introduction of petite, tall, and curvy Barbie
-What is the Cause and what is the solution?
2nd Body Paragraph:
~Explain the solution to the problem
~Why is this a good solution?
-people's opinion on why this is a good solution
~Importance of introducing new Barbies
3rd Bodyy Paragraph:
~ Explain who disagrees with solution, but make sure to bring it back to why it is a better solution
~Rebuttle claims that it is a bad solution
Conclusion:
~THESIS
~ underline main points about the importance of new Barbie dolls in America
~End with same feeling of playing with Barbie dolls, but in a new light, maybe playing with the new Barbie dolls that were introduced
Introduction
~Open with my personal experiences with playing with Barbie's as a kid.
~Introduce topic in question and how it came to be
~THESIS
1st Body Paragraph:
~All about the past of Barbie dolls
-effect it had on children
-controversies
-effect it had on media
~Lead into the present day issue of the introduction of petite, tall, and curvy Barbie
-What is the Cause and what is the solution?
2nd Body Paragraph:
~Explain the solution to the problem
~Why is this a good solution?
-people's opinion on why this is a good solution
~Importance of introducing new Barbies
3rd Bodyy Paragraph:
~ Explain who disagrees with solution, but make sure to bring it back to why it is a better solution
~Rebuttle claims that it is a bad solution
Conclusion:
~THESIS
~ underline main points about the importance of new Barbie dolls in America
~End with same feeling of playing with Barbie dolls, but in a new light, maybe playing with the new Barbie dolls that were introduced
Research Report
This next post is gathering sources to help map out Project 3, so here goes the incredibly long, yet very helpful list of sources that I will be using in Project 3.
1. This source is from Wired.com, written by Margaret Rhodes on January 28th, 2016, titled "Like real people, Barbie now Comes in Different Sizes".
~Author's Credibility:
The author has a page solely dedicated to other articles that they have written which shows that the author is credible because there are multiple pieces that she has done with the same media site.
She also has a twitter site that outlines her accomplishments and things that she cares about, naming her work as an article writer.
~Target Source:
The target audience for this specific article is for those who use social media among other things because in the article there are multiple references of people talking about this issue on Twitter. Wired.com itself, I would say, is more for people in their 20s to 30s who are interested in more entertainment pieces because of the large amount of issues on social media, pieces on more culture than politics, and overall design of the website.
~Main Purpose/Message
The article's main purpose would be to inform the people reading the website that Mattel has released a new type of Barbie and to tell people about the pros of this new thing that has happened. It is also to inform people about what people think about it.
~Context Details
The website has hyperlinks to other sources such as Time magazine which shows its credibility and the article also shows pieces from Twitter for real life feelings about the new Barbie.
2. This source is from CNN.com, written by Michael Pearson on January 28th, 2016, titled "Barbie's New Body: curvy, tall and petite"
~Author's Credibility:
Michael Pearson has a LinkedIn account which outlines all his jobs and past experiences. He also has written numerous articles for CNN among other cites which show that he has experiences that people trust him from.
~Target Source:
The target audience for this specific article is more general and for a broader audience because the article has a large amount of past events having to do with Mattel and Barbie for those who do not know all the background information.
~Main Purpose/Message:
The article's main message is to shortly inform people about what has been going on with Mattel's Barbies and why people are so happy about it. It has many pieces of evidence from others on Twitter and various moms that show the positive part of adding these new Barbies in the store
~Context Details:
The article has many pictures, showing the different and new Barbies that they have put out, making the audience see the truth in the article. The article also has many sources of media outlets that it hyperlinks to such as videos and other articles
3. This source is from inquisitr.com, written by Lisa Hale on January 28th, 2016 titled "Is Curvy Barbie Just A Fat Barbie?"
~Author's Credibility:
Some authors do not have a page solely dedicated to their works on the website that they work for, so when they do I feel like it establishes the author's credibility. Lisa Hale has a page that focuses on all her work she's done with the website and her personal bio, again highlighting her credibility. Another thing that establishes her credibility is the Facebook page that is linked to her blog because she is a blogger, this shows that she is a legitimate writer and again shows credibility.
~Target Source:
The target audience is specifically for people who see the controversial side of the Barbie doll because it points out the negativity people have towards it as well as the positivity. I feel like this article is also for those who are new to the subject because it does introduce a lot of key things that an audience would know if they read even a little about the topic
~Main Purpose/Message:
The articles main purpose is to show people both sides of the argument and how those sides are portrayed through people's opinions. It is also to inform people who do not know about the topic, giving them general facts and video to watch to help them better understand the topic
~Context Details:
This article has two very powerful videos. One is from a mother and a daughter who just saw the 'curvy' Barbie doll and their opinion on it and the other video is the Today show speaking about the topic
4. This source is from college.USAToday.com, written by Greta Bjoornson on February 9th, 2016 titled "New line of Barbies gets Mixed Reviews from Students"
~Author's Credibility:
Again, Greta Bjornson has her own page dedicated to the work that she's done in the past which shows that she is reliable and has past experience in writing. She also has done a wide variety of topics, showing her versatility in her writing and large expanse of genres.
~Target source:
The target audience is for those specifically in college because the magazine is for people specifically in college as seen in the title of the website. It is also aimed towards college kids because the article itself is about college students and their opinions on the dolls.
~Main Purpose/Message:
The main message of this piece is to show people both sides of the argument when it comes to the new Barbie doll, specifically when it comes to college students who have played with them as children. It is also to show people a different point of view than what they are used to.
~Context Details:
Its important to note that in this specific article the sources that are referenced for direct quotes are mostly college students speaking about the dolls. The article also has many linked sources that also manage to show the source's credibility
5. This source is from HuffingtonPost.com, written by Taylor Pittman on February 10th, 2016 titled "How Kids Really Feel About the New Diverse Barbie Dolls"
~Author's Credibility:
Taylor Pittman also has a page dedicated to her work that she's done at the Huffington Post which also has multiple links to other media outlets such as twitter, Facebook, and Blogger. She also features a picture which helps put a face to a name, making her more credible.
~Target Audience:
The target audience is like most of the other sources in the fact that it is aimed towards those interested in the topic, more towards those who really want to know the truth because of the slight tone of the title of the article.
~Main Purpose/Message:
The main purpose is to get across specifically what kids think about the new dolls.
~Context Details:
Again, she has many hyperlinked sources, one of which is my next source. There are also multiple pictures that help gauge what exactly she is talking about
6. This source is from youtube.com written, produced, and edited by BuzzFeedYellow on February 8th, 2016 titled "Kids Review the New Barbie Bodies".
~Author's Credibility:
The author establishes credibility by giving background information in the front of the video. They also put up many links to their sources and what music they used below the video and at the end of the video as well.
~Target Audience:
This is much like source five in the fact that the target audience are those who wish to hear directly from the kids who are playing with and seeing the different dolls. The audience is also those who respond best to videos rather than a piece of text.
~Main Purpose/Message:
The main message to get across is that kids like the new dolls because they look like them and they are more relatable than the dolls in the past. It is also to bring up the fact that kids still look at the "curvy" doll as "fat".
~Context Details:
The music choice was very uplifting and the links to other videos like this one were very helpful for those who wanted to see more about Barbies.
7. This source is from livescience.com written Laura Geggel on February 5th, 2016 titled "Toys like me: New Barbie Dolls and Lego Toys Get Diverse"
~Author's Credibility:
The author of this piece establishes credibility by using a large amount of links to other sources in her works that lead to interesting pieces of information. The author also has a working twitter and Facebook page that make her more relatable.
~Target Audience:
The target audience for this source is much like the others in it is for those interested in the subject, maybe those who have bought Barbie dolls before or those who just want to know what is going down with the new Barbies.
~Main Purpose:
The main purpose is to get across the idea of the importance of Barbies in the lives of the children of today and how they look at Barbie as a role model. It was also to inform people of the vast change these dolls could potentially have.
~Context Details:
The article also touches on the fact that Barbie has added different races as well to their production of Barbies. Another detail is the fact that they specifically cited a psychology study that directly related Barbies to girl's self esteem.
8. This source is from theguardian.com written by Erika Nicole Kendall on 28th January 2016 titled "Barbie's new body types: a ploy to save the brand, not represent its customers".
~Author's Credibility:
Erika Nicole Kendall has her own page, but more importantly she has a video directly made by the Guardian in the beginning setting up her entire argument which I found to be very powerful in establishing the fact that she knew how to make a solid argument.
~Target Audience:
A lot of the people reading this article are people who are interested in the debate, but are also people who are interested in why Mattel has only just released these different Barbies when there have been all sizes of women forever.
~Main Purpose:
The main purpose is to make people look at Mattel in a different light and to show that yes they came out with these new dolls which is great, but why didn't they come out with these before?
~Context Details:
One of the main things about this article is the vast amount of comments the people are leaving on it. Another key detail is the fact that she mentions her personal life and personal stories about Barbie dolls, making the source more believable.
9. This source is from slate.com written by Christina Cauterucci on January 28th, 2016 titled "Little girl's reactions to "curvy" Barbie prove why we need "curvy" Barbie"
~Author's Credibility:
Christina's credibility is established by placing many hyperlinks throughout her article that gives the reader access to more information. She also adds many of her personal stories that makes the reader feel more comfortable and able to digest the information.
~Target Audience:
The target audience are those who believe that the new dolls are exactly what America and her kids need. It is also probably aimed towards those who had a Barbie growing up because it mentions things about Barbie's past.
~Main Purpose/Message
The main message that the author wants to get across is the importance of the new Barbie and how it can really help change little girl's lives for the better.
~Context Details:
'“Ultimately, haters are going to hate,” the president said' is one of my favorite lines in the article and it shows that there will always be those who don't like that is happening. Another key detail is the hyperlinks to past dolls that give some credibility.
10. This last source in more recent from bbc.com written by Claire Bates on March 3rd, 2016 titled "Does 'Curvy Barbie" compare with an average woman?"
~Author's Credibilty:
To establish credibility Claire Bates has both a LinkedIn Account and a Twitter account which she continues to write in to update her information.
~Target Audience:
The target audience for this piece is those who are still a bit unhappy with the changes made in Mattel's new Barbie design. It is also for those who are interested in what the dolls actually look like in comparison to real women.
~Main Purpose/Message:
The main piece of this article is to show that the new Barbie's are still not an accurate representation of people in the world because they are still disproportionate. It is also to show people the more negative side which is not often seen.
~Context Detials:
This article has many direct quotes from people as well as hyperlinks that make the source even more credible than it already is. It also had many visuals that help outline the key points the author wanted to get across.
1. This source is from Wired.com, written by Margaret Rhodes on January 28th, 2016, titled "Like real people, Barbie now Comes in Different Sizes".
~Author's Credibility:
The author has a page solely dedicated to other articles that they have written which shows that the author is credible because there are multiple pieces that she has done with the same media site.
She also has a twitter site that outlines her accomplishments and things that she cares about, naming her work as an article writer.
~Target Source:
The target audience for this specific article is for those who use social media among other things because in the article there are multiple references of people talking about this issue on Twitter. Wired.com itself, I would say, is more for people in their 20s to 30s who are interested in more entertainment pieces because of the large amount of issues on social media, pieces on more culture than politics, and overall design of the website.
~Main Purpose/Message
The article's main purpose would be to inform the people reading the website that Mattel has released a new type of Barbie and to tell people about the pros of this new thing that has happened. It is also to inform people about what people think about it.
~Context Details
The website has hyperlinks to other sources such as Time magazine which shows its credibility and the article also shows pieces from Twitter for real life feelings about the new Barbie.
2. This source is from CNN.com, written by Michael Pearson on January 28th, 2016, titled "Barbie's New Body: curvy, tall and petite"
~Author's Credibility:
Michael Pearson has a LinkedIn account which outlines all his jobs and past experiences. He also has written numerous articles for CNN among other cites which show that he has experiences that people trust him from.
~Target Source:
The target audience for this specific article is more general and for a broader audience because the article has a large amount of past events having to do with Mattel and Barbie for those who do not know all the background information.
~Main Purpose/Message:
The article's main message is to shortly inform people about what has been going on with Mattel's Barbies and why people are so happy about it. It has many pieces of evidence from others on Twitter and various moms that show the positive part of adding these new Barbies in the store
~Context Details:
The article has many pictures, showing the different and new Barbies that they have put out, making the audience see the truth in the article. The article also has many sources of media outlets that it hyperlinks to such as videos and other articles
3. This source is from inquisitr.com, written by Lisa Hale on January 28th, 2016 titled "Is Curvy Barbie Just A Fat Barbie?"
~Author's Credibility:
Some authors do not have a page solely dedicated to their works on the website that they work for, so when they do I feel like it establishes the author's credibility. Lisa Hale has a page that focuses on all her work she's done with the website and her personal bio, again highlighting her credibility. Another thing that establishes her credibility is the Facebook page that is linked to her blog because she is a blogger, this shows that she is a legitimate writer and again shows credibility.
~Target Source:
The target audience is specifically for people who see the controversial side of the Barbie doll because it points out the negativity people have towards it as well as the positivity. I feel like this article is also for those who are new to the subject because it does introduce a lot of key things that an audience would know if they read even a little about the topic
~Main Purpose/Message:
The articles main purpose is to show people both sides of the argument and how those sides are portrayed through people's opinions. It is also to inform people who do not know about the topic, giving them general facts and video to watch to help them better understand the topic
~Context Details:
This article has two very powerful videos. One is from a mother and a daughter who just saw the 'curvy' Barbie doll and their opinion on it and the other video is the Today show speaking about the topic
4. This source is from college.USAToday.com, written by Greta Bjoornson on February 9th, 2016 titled "New line of Barbies gets Mixed Reviews from Students"
~Author's Credibility:
Again, Greta Bjornson has her own page dedicated to the work that she's done in the past which shows that she is reliable and has past experience in writing. She also has done a wide variety of topics, showing her versatility in her writing and large expanse of genres.
~Target source:
The target audience is for those specifically in college because the magazine is for people specifically in college as seen in the title of the website. It is also aimed towards college kids because the article itself is about college students and their opinions on the dolls.
~Main Purpose/Message:
The main message of this piece is to show people both sides of the argument when it comes to the new Barbie doll, specifically when it comes to college students who have played with them as children. It is also to show people a different point of view than what they are used to.
~Context Details:
Its important to note that in this specific article the sources that are referenced for direct quotes are mostly college students speaking about the dolls. The article also has many linked sources that also manage to show the source's credibility
5. This source is from HuffingtonPost.com, written by Taylor Pittman on February 10th, 2016 titled "How Kids Really Feel About the New Diverse Barbie Dolls"
~Author's Credibility:
Taylor Pittman also has a page dedicated to her work that she's done at the Huffington Post which also has multiple links to other media outlets such as twitter, Facebook, and Blogger. She also features a picture which helps put a face to a name, making her more credible.
~Target Audience:
The target audience is like most of the other sources in the fact that it is aimed towards those interested in the topic, more towards those who really want to know the truth because of the slight tone of the title of the article.
~Main Purpose/Message:
The main purpose is to get across specifically what kids think about the new dolls.
~Context Details:
Again, she has many hyperlinked sources, one of which is my next source. There are also multiple pictures that help gauge what exactly she is talking about
6. This source is from youtube.com written, produced, and edited by BuzzFeedYellow on February 8th, 2016 titled "Kids Review the New Barbie Bodies".
~Author's Credibility:
The author establishes credibility by giving background information in the front of the video. They also put up many links to their sources and what music they used below the video and at the end of the video as well.
~Target Audience:
This is much like source five in the fact that the target audience are those who wish to hear directly from the kids who are playing with and seeing the different dolls. The audience is also those who respond best to videos rather than a piece of text.
~Main Purpose/Message:
The main message to get across is that kids like the new dolls because they look like them and they are more relatable than the dolls in the past. It is also to bring up the fact that kids still look at the "curvy" doll as "fat".
~Context Details:
The music choice was very uplifting and the links to other videos like this one were very helpful for those who wanted to see more about Barbies.
7. This source is from livescience.com written Laura Geggel on February 5th, 2016 titled "Toys like me: New Barbie Dolls and Lego Toys Get Diverse"
~Author's Credibility:
The author of this piece establishes credibility by using a large amount of links to other sources in her works that lead to interesting pieces of information. The author also has a working twitter and Facebook page that make her more relatable.
~Target Audience:
The target audience for this source is much like the others in it is for those interested in the subject, maybe those who have bought Barbie dolls before or those who just want to know what is going down with the new Barbies.
~Main Purpose:
The main purpose is to get across the idea of the importance of Barbies in the lives of the children of today and how they look at Barbie as a role model. It was also to inform people of the vast change these dolls could potentially have.
~Context Details:
The article also touches on the fact that Barbie has added different races as well to their production of Barbies. Another detail is the fact that they specifically cited a psychology study that directly related Barbies to girl's self esteem.
8. This source is from theguardian.com written by Erika Nicole Kendall on 28th January 2016 titled "Barbie's new body types: a ploy to save the brand, not represent its customers".
~Author's Credibility:
Erika Nicole Kendall has her own page, but more importantly she has a video directly made by the Guardian in the beginning setting up her entire argument which I found to be very powerful in establishing the fact that she knew how to make a solid argument.
~Target Audience:
A lot of the people reading this article are people who are interested in the debate, but are also people who are interested in why Mattel has only just released these different Barbies when there have been all sizes of women forever.
~Main Purpose:
The main purpose is to make people look at Mattel in a different light and to show that yes they came out with these new dolls which is great, but why didn't they come out with these before?
~Context Details:
One of the main things about this article is the vast amount of comments the people are leaving on it. Another key detail is the fact that she mentions her personal life and personal stories about Barbie dolls, making the source more believable.
9. This source is from slate.com written by Christina Cauterucci on January 28th, 2016 titled "Little girl's reactions to "curvy" Barbie prove why we need "curvy" Barbie"
~Author's Credibility:
Christina's credibility is established by placing many hyperlinks throughout her article that gives the reader access to more information. She also adds many of her personal stories that makes the reader feel more comfortable and able to digest the information.
~Target Audience:
The target audience are those who believe that the new dolls are exactly what America and her kids need. It is also probably aimed towards those who had a Barbie growing up because it mentions things about Barbie's past.
~Main Purpose/Message
The main message that the author wants to get across is the importance of the new Barbie and how it can really help change little girl's lives for the better.
~Context Details:
'“Ultimately, haters are going to hate,” the president said' is one of my favorite lines in the article and it shows that there will always be those who don't like that is happening. Another key detail is the hyperlinks to past dolls that give some credibility.
10. This last source in more recent from bbc.com written by Claire Bates on March 3rd, 2016 titled "Does 'Curvy Barbie" compare with an average woman?"
~Author's Credibilty:
To establish credibility Claire Bates has both a LinkedIn Account and a Twitter account which she continues to write in to update her information.
~Target Audience:
The target audience for this piece is those who are still a bit unhappy with the changes made in Mattel's new Barbie design. It is also for those who are interested in what the dolls actually look like in comparison to real women.
~Main Purpose/Message:
The main piece of this article is to show that the new Barbie's are still not an accurate representation of people in the world because they are still disproportionate. It is also to show people the more negative side which is not often seen.
~Context Detials:
This article has many direct quotes from people as well as hyperlinks that make the source even more credible than it already is. It also had many visuals that help outline the key points the author wanted to get across.
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